And So or Make Me Want to Stay

I feel my home is out in the wild, splattered colours of Open Space
and so 'tis crushing - any inkling of happiness in this place.
Until this wanderlust is appeased or lost to the neglect of time
there can be no peace in myself, in my house or in my rhyme.

Damn ;)

Maybe what I need is me
I know, I know
How tired and old
The thing where you have to love yourself first
But I'm a catch
I'm effin' hilarious
I have big beautiful eyes
I have big fabulous tits
There's something in these thighs
And there's rhythm in these hips
And I know, I know
There are volumes of greeting cards written
But my self love comes in bursts
Most of the time it's hidden
So you don't have to see you all the time
But when you do then damn girl, you fine

Fathom

Such Darkness behind blue eyes
I dive in
I know, not wise
Such depth of pain inside
You drown
You fear you've already died
Everything you've been through
I cannot fathom
Cannot even begin to
But what I can do
What I will do
For as long as I can hold my breath
In infinity
I will be here
Gently

Legends

I don't want to close my eyes.
I don't want to leave today behind.
I want to go back and live today again.
I can't stand to close my eyes towards tomorrow -
Because tomorrow no longer has a you.
You were my sun and the moon to so many more.
I looked up to you so and basked in your glow.
Oh god, oh my, my heart pounds and I cry
"Don't make me live in the past tense!"
Once I close my eyes it will be done -
The last day there was a you.
Ask the time to go slow tonight
Because I can't see you in the morning light.

Just Once

This feeling is new and yet old as days.
No sympathy to spare when it's all been done before.
But it's been done by you -
to me it's new.
Why be jealous for that which was never yours?
How do you let a habit go while it continues to grow?
We are all so young, so young -
Our souls wander blindly through the world.
A world as old as memory but the young wander fresh.
No lessons learned by listening -
Only by faltering.
What can I do but stand still and close my eyes?
Please help me just learn something as it flies.

Hatfields Lane

Adapted from a short excerpt written in 2012

I walk up the hill headed for home
The air is crisp and cold
My exhales freeze in tiny crystal droplets on my lips
The ground beneath me a block of icy mud chips
The frozen solid soil glistens up at me
The grass blades stiff with frost sparkling for all to see
The yellow street lights shine down onto the snow
All colors but glitter are lost in their circular glow
The cars along the road glisten as I walk by
The sounds of civilisation muted under the frosted sky
The glinting magic of the freeze charms my easily amazed eyes
I love winter you guys.

How to Fail in Love Without Really Trying

She sat by the window gazing fondly out at the night

Her vision was dimmed by the daydream flickering lightly in her sight

She wanted oh so badly to tell him that she missed him every hour

But was too scared that if she asked outright the answer would be sour

He sat by his computer squinting into the hazy light

The blinking icon of the message died before it could take flight

He wanted oh so badly to tell her that he'd made a huge mistake

But he was too worried he'd hurt her more with every passing day

These two poor creatures wait and scream silently into the void

Hoping the other would hear those calls never given a voice

Slowly they drifted farther apart in the absence of their cries

Never to know how badly they needed each other in their lives

Each one made up fantasies of what the other must be thinking

But never got up the courage to actually ask - and now the ship is sinking

It's easy to predict what the sad moral of this rhyme might end up being

But that won't stop these two from ruining any chance of finding love worth keeping

Hum

The voices around you scream or twinkle -
best intentions abound.
The noise outside seeps in un-bidden.
The urge, the addiction to those who know better -
shared experiences -
lessons others have already learned.
Skip to the end -
avoid the mistakes -
yea, that would be ace.
I'm so very sorry my lovely girl but
in the end
you simply must trust yourself
Nothing simple
Your own inward truth -
the only one without ulterior motive.
Let it flux and follow it heart first.
Pain will happen.
But oh such joys in the scrum -
Let it come.

Shame

Shame is a rushing wall of solid white heat.
It slams into you -
pushing and searing against your cheeks.
No way to fight it.
You push back against a barricade of licking flame -
you burn.
Inside the blaze surrounded -
a foaming, frothing cavalry of fire.
You shrink and crackle -
wittled down by hot regret.
But survive it.
Don't breath -
go cold if you must -
freeze in the inferno -
for the moment -
until it burns itself out.
Get through the fire to the forgetful future.

Dreaming

I only dreamt of you twice
The first time you were backing away,
blocking me off
The second you were not letting me back in
Always refusing my touch
Always putting me out in the cold
So why do I think of you whenever I'm awake?
Why can't I stop imagining the stories we could have made?
I only dreamt of you twice
If you were to dream of me -
A silly supposition I suppose -
What would I be doing in your mind?
I hope if I dream of you one more time it might be the last
And this time as you let go of my hand
As you turn your back and choose your solitude
This time as my soul shows me that you will never be mine
I hope I will listen
I hope I will stop looking for the loophole
I hope I will catch myself and stop trying to catch you.

Tome

Tell me about your passions
Tell me about the things that light you up at night
About the tiny explosions in the echoing kaleidoscope chambers of your mind
Let me stand in that great marble hall filled with the dusty volumes of true you-ness
Take my hand and lead me in and read me the stories -
the precious ones.
I will lose myself in the wonder of the deep.
Share this with me my dearest friend
and together we can live love songs until
                 
THE END

Streams of Stories

"Once I was seven years old"
sings the song on the radio
as I travel down streets
I really truly did used to know.

In this world, so many pathways paved
with dreams I left behind -
Each one grander than the last
and some more cruel than kind.

I imagine that little girl
twirling gracefully in her tutu.
Spinning tales that always ended with
you can do whatever you want to.

I smile warmly at her little face
not yet acquainted with my fears -
Dreaming big and smiling wide
across the long, hard years.

She still spins in me,
she turns and leaps,
this joyful little child -
And on some nights I turn her up
and answer her call to join the wild.

'I know you're scared of what's to come,'
she whispers in my ear.
'But come along, we'll laugh and play,
and to hell with all your fear.'

And that's the trick -
my friend, my love -
when the road has let you down -
tell yourself to dream big and smile wide
and let your inner child abound.

Skin

There is a face in my skin.
My skin has eyes to see the goosebumps that erupt at it's touch
Magnified - your skin rises to meet my fingertips.
My skin can hear the breath that escapes from the depth of your desire.
Listens to the warmth that blows from between your lips on mine.
My skin can taste the sweat that glistens on yours.
The salted cry of your satisfaction.
My skin inhales your scent.
Drinks in the fragrant musky earth you are so afraid to be rooted to.
It feels the cool tickle of lit particles whispering in the sliver of space between us.
The sum of these senses -
An onslaught of ecstatic wonder.
Oh, to be wrapped in this skin of mine when it is yours.

Crave

I'm craving the city
but its not coming out as poetry.
Palm trees remind me
that I'm not where I planned to be
frankly.

God knows, I've had my fantasies.
Lock eyes, you're such a tease.
I guess for now I'll have to settle for comfort and ease.
What a joke it all turned out to be.
Excuse me, I have to go pee...

Oops

I found a bit of happiness in me today.
Where did it come from, I say.
I did what I could to keep it away.

Once I'd found that bit of happiness in me
I looked around and what did I see?
Everyone I knew was happy too it seemed to be.

Untitled

Hand to chest.
Tears streaming down my face -
muscles squeeze choking my spine.
And my fingers find my heart - beating.
Insistent pulses beating out an inevitable finite rhythm.
The music blares -
The skin rises and falls -
"The tune plays without the words."
And in spite of it all the heart beats.
In spite of it all the heart beats.